Tag Archives: housemate deadly sins

Seven deadly housemate sins

Refusing to wash the dishes, blasting dubstep at 4am, never replacing the butter? Sound familiar? We selected the most often committed, and worst, of multiple occupancy crimes. Don’t think they’re a big deal? See if your flatmate agrees…

by Indiana MurphyMatt AspinLuiza StefanovaEmily RaeMaria Loupa,Lauren Windas, andColette Hunter

Playing the sexaphone

There is a massive difference between knowing it happens and hearing it happen through your wall at 2am. For example, I knew of a girl in halls that would have such loud, shall we say, ‘sessions’ with her boyfriend every time that he came to visit, that the poor girls living next to her resorted to pinning a note to her door saying ‘Please keep the sex noises to a minimum during anti-social hours.’ It instantly made her business common knowledge to anyone who walked passed her door. Well, until the girl hastily took it down. Sure it must have been really embarrassing for the girl but if it made her more considerate from then on I would say it was well worth it. Not only is it very disruptive  (a woman was once given an ASBO after a particularly loud lovemaking session!) but also it’s just common courtesy to be considerate of the people you live with, just like you wouldn’t leave the loo without flushing. If the tables were turned I bet you wouldn’t want to hear your neighbours going at it, particularly in the early hours of the morning.

Being a ham-burglar  

There is nothing worse than waking up in the morning only to discover that the family-sized carton of fruit juice you had bought in preparation for the next day’s hangover, or that eight pack of sausages which you were going to devour for breakfast, have been stolen. What’s worse is when you realise that those who have taken it are, in most cases, people who are your friends and who know full well how much it annoys you! Of course, there is almost certainly never any malicious intent behind such an act, but knowing that at the time the culprit was highly intoxicated or that they ‘were going to replace it’ when they next ventured to a supermarket is hardly a comfort at 8am after a night of trebles. What’s more frustrating is that the perpetrator in question is often not subtle or discrete. They don’t take some juice, but rather the whole carton and they don’t have a few biscuits, but instead the whole packet, leaving the empty packet and crumbs scattered across the entire kitchen. If you find yourself reading this and have no idea what I’m talking about, the chances are, you are the one committing the sin!

Not such a goody-too-shoes

On your way back home you find cash in your pocket that your mum secretly gave you before coming back to uni. Some retail therapy is in serious need as some nice spring promotions are, like, begging for your attention! Can’t resist, can you? While walking for hours and hunting for the perfect prey in shop windows, those impatiently anticipated heels that you adore now have a precious red ‘SALE’ label. Your mind is already living the dream of the long-awaited celebration, as these beautiful shoes, that had always belonged to you, become yours. The battle is won. You even imagine how you are going to match your make-up for the night with the colour nuances of your newly-bought treasures…

Guilty or not, in the moment that your flatmate decides your heels would work well for a Sinners’ Friday night out they have taken an important decision. It’s a sin, isn’t it? But what can you do? Maybe the shoes didn’t have your name tied on their fancy spirituality after all. You can do it. Move on!

Tasteless tunes

This housemate is easily recognisable by their bleary eyed stare and multiple ear infections due to prolonged headphone usage. Music, like clothes, is a very personal choice. Both are considered forms in which you can express yourself. However, with music, unlike clothes, sometimes you do not get to choose the type you want. Hearing your international housemate belt out their best Adele impression in the shower can be quite endearing, a constant dubstep beat accompanying your breakfast cereal, not so. This is one occasion when the bass dropping is faced with despair that the song is continuing rather than frenzy on the dance floor. The only way this housemate can be deterred is to start a song battle (think School of Rock). Select a song, preferably something genre-clashing and let the battle commence. They get louder, you get louder. You may lose the friendship of other housemates in the process but it’s a small price to pay for your eardrums intact. Whoever loses has to endure solely the other housemate’s choice of ‘chooooons’ for a week. Just be grateful they haven’t formed a classical violin quartet.

Moment murderer

If it is bad enough listening to your roommate going at it like a possessed cheetah shouting “Geronimo”, imagine how much worse catching the live show could be. Trust me when I say that some things cannot be unseen… Unless you have a kinky and perverted side in you, you will not enjoy running into your roommates caressing their loved one, or while they are releasing their tension in the toilet. Once you’ve seen their ‘happy ending’ faces, things will never be the same again! Just try to knock every single time before you enter a room, and you are guaranteed a scarred-free place in flatmate heaven.

Selfish squatters

Whether it be outstaying their welcome or disappearing loo roll, an extra body in an already busy house can cause tension. Weekend stays are perfectly acceptable, but when it’s every weekend or a long haul visit, an ‘adopted’ housemate may not be appreciated.

With danger of all the other sins being committed by your loved one combined, this sin could be considered the worst of all. Perhaps one of the easier sins to commit – if your relationship is good then it’s sometimes hard to notice when you’re spending too much time together.In a student house, the line between guest and household member can easily become blurred. So at what point do you hint for him or her to start contributing to the weekly Tesco run? It may be a difficult topic to discuss and there is potential for friction and awkward confrontations but just remember: love is blind, but your housemates aren’t!

Chunder blunder

This is probably the messiest (and most disgusting) sin to commit as a housemate at university. With Newcastle’s renowned nightlife, many of us are bound to stroll in at early hours of the morning pissed off our faces. Those unfortunate students may have already experienced the unpleasantness of waking up to a flat covered in vomit, and those offenders are likely to have lied in a bed full of the mess too. Getting drunk and throwing up everywhere will definitely not make you popular with your flatmates and it is more than likely that you have to clean up the mess. This sin is clearly not one to repeat, so you may want to rethink that last shot of tequila next time before you end up in this unfortunate and unhygienic circumstance.

All illustrations: Daisy Billowes

*As published in http://thecourieronline.co.uk/2012/04/seven-deadly-housemate-sins/

Guess which one is mine..!

ML



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